I don't think there's ever been a time when I've felt this weird about life. I didn't get the hostel today. After waiting for so long. I am pissed. But worse than that, I feel very depressed. Like nothing can ever go right in my life. Why is this happening? Wasn't it bad enough to come from home and feel like the loneliest person in the world? And then getting marks which were way below expectations? And then having a really bad time with my boyfriend? And on top of that, having no one around to talk to about it. I can't talk to my parents because they will get worried. I cannot talk to my boyfriend because he does not have time to listen or does not want to listen or whatever. My best friend who always understands me is really far away. Right now I need someone to tell me that every thing will be alright and that my life will not be failure and that I am not that bad. Its really bad and I am sick of pretending to be happy when I am upset because that really messes up your brain. Then you think you have some disorder or something. It sucks. Sometimes, I just want to go to sleep and wake up forgetting everything that happened. I hate it. I just want to forget everything and be happy for once. Like pure unadulterated happiness. I don't want to be scared that something bad will follow behind. I am tired. I really am.