It doesn't come easy. I don't know what it takes to make someone realize that nothing can be done any more. Is it the fear of the unknown that will follow later? Or the unwillingness to accept the truth? For now I see it as me being unwilling to face the truth because of both and also I see it as a sign of failure. I wish I could just have clarity for some time. I am lost, and hurt and I really don't know if it is worth all the pain. Everytime I get ready to move ahead, something pulls me back. Is it me? Am I too scared of change?
Everytime, I think that things would change, and now that it is over, I still hope things would be better. Why am I doing this? If it was really love, it would not have been so messy. But if it is not love, then what is? Giving the power to destroy yourself to someone and then waiting for the crash and burn? Is that what I am doing? I feel bad okay. That everything became what it did. And when I know that I did all that I could. Why did it happen then? How am I supposed to believe someone that they are there forever now? How am I supposed to fall in love now? But more importantly,how am I supposed to believe someone when they tell me that they love me?
Everytime, I think that things would change, and now that it is over, I still hope things would be better. Why am I doing this? If it was really love, it would not have been so messy. But if it is not love, then what is? Giving the power to destroy yourself to someone and then waiting for the crash and burn? Is that what I am doing? I feel bad okay. That everything became what it did. And when I know that I did all that I could. Why did it happen then? How am I supposed to believe someone that they are there forever now? How am I supposed to fall in love now? But more importantly,how am I supposed to believe someone when they tell me that they love me?
You're absolutely right when you say it's you who pulls yourself back. It is you. And it's you again who can pull yourself out of this messy situation. You know what pulls you back? It's that teeny weeny bit of hope which is still lingering somewhere there in your mind. Something that makes you feel that maybe you aren't trying enough or the fact that *something* will change.
ReplyDeleteNothing will change. How long are you willing to put up with this? It's messy and so it will be. And no, it's not worth the pain at all.
Maybe you'll mind me saying this but whatever it's worth, I was right there where you are, some months back and I get what you're saying.
You know, what you need is a moment. Just that one moment where you muster the courage to end things and this time, you'll feel good about it. Trust me.
And about the last lines of your post ..well when you get to know the answer ..tell me too.
Take care.
Hello @Whuaat!
ReplyDeleteI've discovered some amazing things. Check your email. And PS: I never email people so randomly. So, don't worry. I'm not a stalker. :)